#also she ain't insane like gai lol

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hi! Do you have any recs for rly good mafia romance? I'm trying to get into it but my friend recommends the TikTok popular ones that are just....not well written

Yes, but there aren't main. Like. Three authors. Two of which I already liked for other things. (I do REALLY want to read Annika Martin's dark books, which I think are Russian mafia or Russian mafia adjacent?)

I am very picky with mafia romances because a) I was a little ethically eh on reading them for a long time because b) based on where I've lived and what I've studied, I know a bit more about the mafia than your average romance reader I think, that's not a brag it's a nerdery c) a lot of them are based in America, modern, and I've gotta say, that's corny as hell because while there are absolutely VERY powerful criminal organizations mafia-related today, they! Are! Not! V powerful! In! America! The Italian-American mafia took a huge hit in the 1980s that hasn't really let up, and while they exist and they're bad... Tony Soprano ain't doing it like like the Camorra is doing it in Italy, today, y'know? The power isn't there, and when you see, like, the billionaire Italian-American mafia guys in romance today it's too much for me. I get why it's not too much for other people. I suspend my disbelief on MANY CRAZIER THINGS. I just can't with this lol.

(Also, I have a personal issue with Italian-American romance heroes who are like "I'm Italian". Lol no you aren't. You're Italian-American. You're usually Sicilian-American. You are EYETALIAN.)

Anyway, after that preamble of why my recs are limited:

Mila Finelli's Kings of Italy series. Literally some of my favorite books I've read in forever. Set in Italy, though the heroines are from Italian-Canadian extensions (which, like, Canada for sure has a more powerful presence than America, so I'm guessing that was smart research from Mila). I also love Mila's books because while they are crazy, they're not INSANELY dark, and tend to be more on the fun side. They're super, super hot. There are usually good grovels. The heroines are actually pretty bold and, aside from the last one, not virginal (which is an issue in many mafia books tbh). They break down to:

Mafia Mistress--Frankie is traded by her father to a powerful capo, Fausto, ostensibly to marry his son Giulio. However, two issues: a) Giulio is in fact gay b) Fausto ends up wanting Frankie for himself after she puts up a fight. But he doesn't want her as his wife--he wants her as his mistress. His MAFIA MISTRESS.

Mafia Darling--Direct sequel to MM, wherein Frankie and Fausto deal with their various issues, both mafia-related and like, relationship related. I also really love Fausto and Giulio's relationship, it's so sweet and takes time to work on, and it has a culmination here that made me tear up. Heads up: Frankie is 18 and Fausto is 38. I didn't care about this. Do with it what you will lmao.

Mafia Madman--My favorite, best read after the first two but can go solo. Enzo D'Agostino (king of my heart/body and soul as TSwift would say) was one of the villains of the previous books. He kidnapped Frankie, Fausto like cut off his finger and tortured him for a month, and he escaped to hide out on a yacht for four years like a Bond villain. Enzo is... incredible. He is the richest hero in this series because of his "computer business" (????) which @triviareads and I have concluded means he's running Nigerian prince scams and holding the economies of small nations for ransom. He and Fausto have a relationship that I can only describe as "Alexis (Fausto) and Dominique (Enzo) if they were mafia dons". The champagne is BURNT!!!!

Anyway, he randomly sees Gia, Frankie's wild, bratty little sister, and is all "a-HA, a foolproof plan I have just concocted within five minutes to get revenge and free myself from the prison of living on a fabulous yacht IS HERE" so he naturally invites her out for a drink, blows up the bar, fakes her death, and puts her in a cage on the yacht. Sadly for him, the only person who can match Enzo's crazy is Gia, and she starts doing naked yoga (queen of my spirit) and they promptly enter into an intense enemies to lovers back and forth in which ONLY ONE CAN WIN (her).

If you want an OBSESSED alpha... this is it.

Mafia Target--Giulio is back! He's on the run because he's Fausto's son and the mafia is hella homophobic (true). Unfortunately, the world's DEADLIEST SNIPER, disaster bisexual Alessio Ricci, has been deployed to kill him. Unfortunately for Alessio, Giulio is DUMB HOT and so naturally Alessio blows him in a club before Giulio realizes he's out to kill him, and they end up on a tiny Scottish island, trying to kill each other while also being like "let's take a month off of trying to kill each other... to.... do things...."

This is arguably the most outright SWOONY ROMANTIC of the books, I love it with all my heart. Giulio and Alessio have one of those relationships wherein it's kinda love at first sight, tempered by the whole assassin thing, and it totally works.

Mafia Virgin--Emma, the other Mancini sister, wants to be a doctor and is super sweet. She's forced to marry new don Giacomo, who doesn't want to be with her either. And, oh yeah, they have to conceive a baby in six months or less!

This is probably the softest book in the series. Giacomo is not quite as hard as Fausto, Enzo, Giulio, or Alessio. He's like, the thinking man's mafia don (but everyone thinks he's stupid because he's big and fights!!!). And as it turns out, he and Emma are very, very into the whole making a baby thing.

Mafia Brute--This is an m/m Russian mafia novella, about Theo, Giulio's designer friend, who's fallen into a fling with the very dangerous Nikolai. A lot of hooking up on a yacht (again). A lot of very romantic sweetness fringed with violence. A lot of heat. Great!

Ummm I also love Kresley Cole's Gamemaker series! These are Russian mafia books.

The Professional--The heroine is adopted, and finds out the big scary guy who's been watching her is her biological father's enforcer/surrogate son... when he kidnaps her to take her back to said father. They immediately have an attraction, but he refuses to give in because if they get together (she's a virgin) he'll be like, obligated to marry her. While she's not so hot on the marriage thing, she WANTS him. She's a total brat, it's all very teasing and great.

The Master--This one has a billionaire mafia dude order the heroine, an escort on the run from her past. They have this insane hookup, major connection, it's amazing, but then he finds out she was trying to pull one over on him (or was she???) and he takes her captive. Also, there is a chastity belt. This one is amazing and has a fabulous grovel.

The Player--This hero is really more mafia-adjacent because the other two heroes are his older brothers, but he's definitely into some shady shit, and he is OBSESSED. He fixates on the heroine and is another SUPER possessive guy with a dark past. Has one of my favorite sex scenes ever (he fingers her to orgasm in front of a table of other people who are also getting off on it).

Run, Posy Run by Cate C. Wells--In this one, the heroine is the (American but it works here) mafia hero's longterm girlfriend, and she's basically always been around the life and accepts a subpar relationship because he keeps her comfortable and she thinks he loves her. Then, he's sent this video that makes it look like she cheated on him; and she realizes he's like, a sociopath and goes on the run. However... he then realizes that he can't actually live without her, and begins stalking/chasing after her lol. It's actually a good "fix the relationship" book, with an edge of kidnapping and a feeling-less hero learning how to have a feeling. I also really loved the heroine's development.

[f0xd13-blog]

Listen and I say this and then i go online and mariah carey was sued for singing all i want for christmas... WHO TF OWNS A CHRISTMAS SONG? this is insane!

I don't like to call it white patriarchy tho coz why do you think it's only men and white people? You have them snakes also.. just look at kamala each time biden needs to speak something delicate there she goes with her color. Lol

Edit: can't post anymore.... idk why my dudes think that i'm always concentrated on this. Can't you text people and do other stuff at the same time? I do the same... but I writte on tumblr

They legit think i'm like in front of a computer like in the old days just typing on tumblr... ahaha

2 edit: why would I like you and pretend i'm friends with someone when I don like what they represent? What's the point of fake peace pacts? No nobody be making peace with that it only goes back to the same bullshit where they are on and top we go back to live our miserable lives and i know that's what most people want coz they love to ignore them people in need is such a hassle to think about that "hate war and people getting killed and I gotta see it on the news... just starve to death in silence ok? " ....no way my dude. I ain't your friend and you are definitely my rival! I don't like phony shit and you can't even make people care when it's forced for example i didn't believed two shits on that mjf storyline actually kind of disrespectiful since jews are using queers and gays to go againts us but whatever I'm not the boss here what I can do is just put you in your place when I have the chance. Better be real and show you I ain't your friend and that I don like you... i'm not here to include jews while you have no respect for our name lol at the same time why not humanize our rivarly.. why ignore it? Why try to make it seem like the dude isa good person when you have his country and his religion going wacko and killing people? Is that what happened to the other dude that wasn't even a legit muslim? NO HIS CAREER WAS DESTROYED AFTER THAT. No i don't have to pretend that is ok because it ain't.. it's called privilge something that jews always had and play the victims and i'm about to break their bubbles.

Soooo when a muslim kills every muslim gets fired when a jewish kills they form a pact with a gay and a gay character? Ok...

Oh and don forget that he went on national tv to say "i'm a jewish" for no fucking reason and nobody was able to go on tv and speak on our behalf when you're winning money our of our thing... clap clap clap.

....plus and my origins are pakistani in punjab i dob even know shit about bollywood. India is big and we aren't all the same imagine their descents from the west 🤣😭 i like all my indian primos anyways but to put it into perspective it is the same as trying to make a brazilian represented by a mexican and yess we can be that different LMAO

I gotta keep it clean also... i don understand people's over obsession with their countries and nationalities and then be like "race doesn't maattaaah" bitch is the opposite! Nationality doesn't matter, i can change language, territory, friends and go to another country and be that nationality and this is also part of the problem why immigrants are treated like shit and then we have people over obsessed with nationality ok that also happens with race but that actually makes sense to focus on.. you cannot change your race, you either accept it or be unhappy and usually you just accept it but my point is, your race is your color, your facial characteristics what people see it, the way you move your body the way you jump, your dna, your voice... it's what you are! Unchangeable so that is what should be important not nationality and the audacity of being super freaky with your nationality sometimes turns into borderline nationalism and patriotism and doesn't make sense at all coz you have (or should, looking at you ukraine lol) every sort of race living at your country and you don even relate with most of them coz we are that differenf. So how does it make sense to say i'm half japanese half whatever? Dude that's a nationality wha does that even mean? "I'm 20 per cen danish and 5 per cent french and 4 per cent italian" dude you are indo european or and immigrant with another race now stfu if you are mixed than it's that mix asian and black = blackasian. Dan it ain't that hard.

[theskyexists]

Hop hop is always the funniest motherhopper in the whole show

'i wish I could be lovingly embraced by all of humanity'

Me too sprig. Me too

They keep hinting that Polly is insanely smart

How are frogman and granddad the same. It's not frogman throwing cars around

Wow they're super powered handymen. Should go into construction! Ok well I guess the cop knows granddad did an oopsie

'it ended up doing more harm than good anyway' DID IT??? HE SAVED A BUS FULL OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD HAVE DRIVEN RIGHT INTO A CAR!!! nobody got hurt when granddad got angry at him. They really boiled the superhero genre down to nothing lol. Wow they're really not gojgn back on it ahahahahahaha. FUCK superheroes and them saving people from traffic accidents. Superheroes ain't shit!!! buses should just crash!!!!

Apparently.

Did Olivia take Marcy in when she hadn't even proven herself as head of the whatever artificer rogue guild? Wow

THE GHOSTS AND THE CRYPTID MOSSMAN LOOKALIKE ARE OTHERWORLDY PRISONERS. OOF. WOW!

Damn!;! Damn!!! That's why I like children's cartoons so much!!!! They just throw in horrific shit like it's FRESH. WAOW IS THERE FANFIC !!?! I LOVE HORRIFIC POSSESSION!!!!!! Marcy just went very much up in my characters I love list. Though she was seriously growing on me already. She trapped her friends in another world. Then didn't even go to look for them but let herself get distracted with what SHE could get out of it. Then never told them she was planning to take them travelling on and on - not home. Meanwhile she's just sooo sweet and sooo cute and harmless. A klutz. Sincerely affectionate but also careless. SO LONELY. She's got shit parents but she RARELY lets on. She lets herself be distracted. The most closed of all of them. An actual literal real world child prodigy, boundlessly curious and passionate for the world, and ruthlessly strategic. And now -she has merged with the best evil minds of Newtopia, been forced. She has become the city's evil heart. She refused to see the rot at the heart of the kingdom (she's smart enough to have discovered it) and now she has been eaten by it. Shes lost all control of her body and mind - by all accounts she must be trapped under the suffocating crush of the Core, yet aware. But at least, she is not alone anymore ....

am I gonna have to write the fic about the possession just like I did for catra...

Anne is the leader in the field, the soldier, the superweapon, the beacon, the protector, Sasha is the general, the tactical and violent hand of/against the state, and Marcy is the queen....strategic, focused on systems, improving lives

I should stop characterising bc the show likes to juggle them sometimes...also did just realise that my book has this ....theme role division for the three main characters

I like the gender non conforming FBI agents

God the squeak toy sounds for the frogs will never get old. Also the close ups with the voices

king Andreas sure is such a wonderful villain. So hearty and jolly and cruel

Ah the it girls are gay and in love

The characterisation of small children in this as Monsters will continue to baffle me

Ohhhhh I LOVEEEEERR evil hivemind Marcy. I LOVE HER. Esp bc the core seems to have also taken on some of her personality

HOLY SHIT I AM CRYING SPRIGS PRESENT FOR ANNE OH MY GOD!!!!!! THE VOICE ACTING AND TIMING AND WRITING ON THIS BIT HAAAAAAA

ANNE ONLY NOW IS INFORMING SASHAS AND MARCYS PARENTS THAT THEY ARE ALIVE. Also anonymously with the most outrageous claims....dude. they're not gonna fucking believe that

So Sasha's parents are divorced. She's also likely rich

They're opening an interdimensional portal with the energy from a car battery....

We're on the right track. YOU CREATED AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL WHAT THE FUCK

It's fascinating - apparently the only thing to see in LA are shops

ANNE IS HAVING THE 'IM JUST A KID' REALISATION

So they broke with Anne's blue colour scheme this episode just to do a Darth Vader reference?

Her parents have realised that Anne has become insanely proficient at combat

WHAT parents would not insist on coming along

I wanna know what SASHA is doing. GIVE ME HER RESISTANCEEEEE

GOD Anne's powers look so damn cool

Interesting that they never returned to that bit about the mother of olms when that was their main lead

Sasha has a new OUTFIT. Instantly gives Anne the commander helmet. They undersell how significant that is. Is this episode gonna be about how Sasha is in her rightful place as commander and Anne is...for other things? I hope the colour of the helmet implies this. YES. Grime is saying the same. Please let it come true. Please let

Even Anne can tell. BUT SASHA IS TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT AND NOT TAKE CONTROL SO MUCH. And she's. Right that the people want Anne

WHAT THE FUCK AHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK that's the most Anne thing I LOVE IT she just GOT EATEN to get Sasha to take command. Man. Every emotional moment between them always great

Skdnkdndkdhdjdjdbd sometimes there's an amazing joke

YES THEYRE GOING ALL IN ON TACTICAL SASHA

GOD I LOVE SASHA MILITARY TALK AND HER INTELLIGENCE. YES I LOVE THE RESISTANCE!!!!

Sasha is like: the resistance can't lose both of us. But then does send both of them on mission. She did this deliberately to train with Anne for sure and/or to help toady develop in Crocker's team. Nah the narrative is not that smart. She did believe they could do without them though

Sasha literally kicked a giant rock in half

It's actually really fun to think about how Anne and Marcy and Sasha haven't noticed their own insane power creep - even without stone powers

Actually why did Anne put on the exact same outfit again. The school uniform or whatever...

Sasha and Anne work so well together as co leaders AAAAA I love them. Sashas signature are emojis....

SASHA CHEERLEADING BUT BEING TOO BUSY TO REWRITE THE SONG OH MY GOD I LOVE HER

This last season is honestly the best. Except for all the sappy parent scenes.

YES I KNEW IT. Marcy is locked in her own mind and the core has inherited quirks.

LOVE that Barrel is the famous toad from the past that they got the hammer from. LOVE that Leaf apparently started the planter line. All young and contributing to a horrific interdimensional empire without second thoughts.

God...the core sure is uhhh a horrific ancestor hivemind hanging out in the body of the kid you quite liked and then killed. The character design for Darcy is amazing

The question is why Sasha and Anne are hitting just little targets when they KNOW that the heart of Andreas' power is the music box. take that, and he can't invade shit

So Leaf left a leaf of paper for Andreas...

Sasha is more of a dog person...who woulda thought. Marcy and Anne are definitely the dogs in the relationship...

I LOVE how all the episodes are coming back!!! Bittyburg. Domino. Trattonio.

Their official titles are madam generals. I love it

Just realised that the Newts look like lotr elves

The FLYING the EYES the VOICE the MAGICAL HAIR . GOD it's so cool

Sasha supporting Anne afterwards. So cool

'im sorry sash' THEY HUG.

Their strategy is like that of a movie that Marcy watched. YIKES. The core will see through it for sure

Ah Marcy was not happy about Anne and Sasha not sharing in her interests.

Oh SHIT. That's what happened to Olivia and Yunan. Grisly.

Are you fucking serious.....Anne and Sasha beat these two by doing a perfectly synced DANCE that they still remembered perfectly after a tearful and emotional heart to heart where Anne grabs Sasha's hand in both hands and anyway

The voice actress for Marcy must be having SO MUCH FUN

GOD!!! THE ANIMATION. THE AMAZINGLY COOL OUTFIT FOR DARK MARCY. YAAAAAA

Dark Marcy about to kill ANNE!!! YEAAAA ANGST

'amusing. You want to beg?' ahhh delightful. Stupid petty shitty ass imperialist ancestor kings are so easy.

'we look forward to dissecting you. Alive' I LOVE IIIIIT SO EVIL!!!! USING MARCYS VOICE FOR IT TOO!! please tell me Marcy was aware of almost killing Anne with her own hands.

But you know what? I do believe that Anne's parents have informed Mr X that there IS GOING TO BE AN ALIEN INVASION AND THEY NEED TO PREPARE THEMSELVES

They literally use their tongues for everything but those weren't incapacitated. Dark Marcy was very stupid to tie them up instead of instant collaring of course

Instead of helping the people not get murdered they're setting up a base....sldjdkdknff

Shit. She might NOT be aware of what happens on the outside. Too bad. The core is just distracting her with endless temptations

So they deleted her memory. Yikes. Is she getting that back? Permanent brain damage Marcy? Sounds very uh angsty

'and save any remaining civilians' YOU MEAN THE ONES WHO HAVENT BEEN EATEN WHILE YOU LEFT THEM TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES????

Wow when they went in for that hug I was like ????????????? Bc for on sec it was drawn rather differently like faces first

Wow. Soldiers are actually dying in this rts game

Olivias WHAT hahahahaha

Does...Sasha look like edelgard in Marcy's dream world hahahaha

Holy shit wow I did NOT expect them to parallel losing Polly's and Sprigs parents with losing Annes

Wow. What a solution. The monsters that killed your parents. The solution? Tame them and sicc them on your enemies. That's...unconventional

The cartoony shit where the enemy always surprise attacks with something non-lethal. Ah

Now they're just showing off with the animation for Marcy.

The only reason the whole of LA hasn't been blasted yet is due to one simple trick by Anne where her life might be essential

Is Andreas really gonna fight her? YEEEEESSSS ANNE GOING PSYCHOANALYSIS ON ANDREAS YESSSSS THATS WHAT I WANNA DO CALL HIM PITIFUL!! BOTH MOCKING AND GENUINELY PITYING HIM

Wow the Core builds some really shit AI lol

It hurts that they don't want what you want. Oh Marcy. I love you

Ok. Not the message I would have sent to Andrias, Leaf.

Wow the Core is so damn strategically weak actually. Guess having a hundred minds in there makes making decisions kind of difficult actually

So how did Anne get her third wind?

'nothing can take away the memories of the time we spent together'

But that's not true...because memories fade....

The Moon is a core base??????

Lol Sasha's outfit is punk

They look fucking cool

'this is the coolest most anime thing that's ever happened to me' well YEAH marcy

Pfffthrjdjdnfkfn a nat 20

MARCY STUMBLED IN SPACE

Honestly think this is dumb and they should have done a teamwork friendship move

Ok yeah I remembered right. Frobo CAN fly so why did he take the heron.

Wow CANON GAY NEWTS

'nothing will change what you mean to me' not time not space

Is that true?

YES!!! Grown up Polly!

Were Maddie's sisters so young that they're still pollywags?

Bessie and Joe the sparrow....

I guess it's nice that Sprigs still got Polly, and Hop Pop and Ivy. And that Anne's not dead. Really the defining thing here that makes things ok

You're telling me that. Anne Sasha and Marcy GREW APART. AFTER SAVING TWO WORLDS TOGETHER. WOW. Talk about a depressing message. I am...uh Deleting that part from my brain what the fuck. They could have just stayed friends???? Is the message that what Marcy was scared of actually happened and wasn't so bad? My god

[iristial]

rider system album yua yaiba (zero one) | episode 3

[diana-prince-s]

god that last snippet was so so so unbelievably hot!!!! rosé really has denali wrapped around her finger huh. can't blame her lol. i love that rosé still praised denali during the spanking, that lets her know that she's not really mad at her. for me i'm a sensitive girl, if you don't tell me i'm doing good during rough play i'll start to get in my head and then the scale will tip more towards pain than pleasure and then it's not so fun anymore. but nali ain't no sensitive flower, i love that she can take what rosé dishes out!! good for you girl!!!! and she wanted more too!! rosé really found her match with her lol

on another note i loved the lil drama queen moment denali had in the beginning lol. so cute, i bet rosé was endeared. and i loved that this time it was rosé who seeked denali out. she missed her, aww! i wonder how much longer denali would've spent wallowing in bed all day if rosé hadn't come to her hahaha. you take a lesbian's hot milf away and she'll act like life isn't worth living anymore. so funny!!! those lil antics make the characters so loveable and personable, i'm really getting attached. great job as always

thanks so much for taking the time to write this during your finals, i really hope they've been going well so far? and btw, i love that you got your school logo shaved into ur undercut, now that's dedication, sounds like the kind of dorky thing i'd do lol. i hope your school kicks ass in the ACC (ngl i had to google what that was, i'm french, we don't have that here!!!) and please enjoy your holidays, no rush or pressure with posting, we'll still be here by the time you come back, can't get rid of us that easy. sending you much love, friend

(also, i have to say, denali's lil inner monologue about rosé being the gods' gift to her was insanely hot to me for some reason. the religious themes/metaphors/language keep coming up where she keeps comparing her experience with rosé to something saintly and divine, treating rosé's bedroom like a place of worship and rosé like her goddess, when she came across rosé praying to athena but her focus was entirely on the woman and her desire to be with her intimately again, when she was bathed on the morning of her wedding and she could only think about how they were washing rosé's mark away rather than her own sins, like all of that is so unbelievably hot to me as someone who was raised religiously. there's not only a total lack of sexual guilt or repression but it's the fact that denali really treats her desires as if they were pious. but i also couldn't stop laughing for a moment cause the phrase "pussy so bomb it makes you believe in god" kept coming to mind. after all, gays who were born into religion invented bdsm and that's a well known fact)

Wow well all of this is IT like y’all are really enriching this AU with so much life and nuance and maybe I’m just writing it and you all are picking it up or maybe y’all are creative as hell. First thanks for the well wishes, I hope to keep up with the writing! And also yes everything you said all of that. I love using religion when it comes to sex and queer sex because there’s nothing more hot/romantic than comparing your partner to deities. (And maybe it’s just my fantasies of being with Wonder Woman, a literal deity). Anyway thank you thank you thank you!

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: [So the vibe is evidently just showing up at the pre-drinks at this gfs house, we'll have to be some level of wasted to have the nerve so from the off it's a mood lol] Amelia: [a select gathering of the gays that you weren't invited too, but it's okay because Amelia can't throw you out when everyone else is like yeah come through] Jac: [literally you'd have to make such a drama and that's not you and also no one knows why you stopped being besties so it clearly appears chill from the outside, I vote the club should be a gay one so you have to commit to that hen] Amelia: [agreed because clearly her gf has planned this because Amelia's plan was to go and get that haircut and outfit with her mum so] Jac: [too pure for this bitch, we all know this is just an excuse for her to party like any other night really, which is rude, do something special but no, at least you're simply that hoe so it's not like we even have to work hard here, the flirting is blatant] Amelia: [it hurts my heart because you know Jamelia would have gone IN for each other's birthdays] Jac: [and her last one was start of transition year so they would've still been friends, AND it was her 16th so it would've been really poppin'] Amelia: [brb sobbing] Jac: [thank god jac is also miserable and only pretending to be living her best life or this would be even ruder] Amelia: [and thank god Amelia isn't in love with this gal] Jac: [and that lmao] Jac: [to me it should be like they just straight up make out on the dance floor 'cos her girlfriend is the 'its not a big deal omg!' type but even if it weren't, it is because it's Jac] Amelia: [hence when Amelia loses it it's Jac she's shouting at and being like how could you do this to me etc not her gf] Jac: [mhmm mHM we all know she's barely speaking at this point so she's not gonna say anything and your gf will be going off 'cos she looks the gobby type so you can slap her if you need babe lol] Amelia: [she so is the gobby type, Amelia just straight up dismissing her because this isn't about you babe I gotta scream at Jac rn thank you] Jac: [meanwhile we're just trying to walk away like the audacity] Amelia: [literally like SAY SOMETHING! because is there anything more frustrating than when someone won't react and you're literally 💔] Jac: [there is not, just shouting 'I'M SORRY' ala Tracy because we do not sound sorry at all but she is never a loud person so everyone else is gonna be shook like damn] Amelia: [your aunt Cass would be proud of that, but Amelia just gonna walk away] Jac: [good lord go home gal, or at least a different club lol, also like to point out she has a September birthday so also would've been after Savannah left so that would've been cheery lol] Amelia: [nice parallel because we know Amelia's walking home but fuck knows how far it would be, we're not at Erin's house now hens] Jac: [I'm sure you don't live right in town, your fam seems a suburb type so that'll be a nice trek, you poor bitch] Amelia: [just sobbing the whole time probably, even though she's not a crier like Savannah is] Jac: [you'd have to have a cry, if Jac hadn't gone catatonic as a defence mechanism, she would be too] Amelia: [which is why we're not getting our parents to pick us up because don't wanna be sobbing to this degree in front of them and her mum already hates the gf so we don't want the I told you so either] Amelia: [plus her mum probably thinks she's over Jac by now because we downplaying things forever] Jac: [parents can only be so much of a MVP at this age] Amelia: [I think when they see each other again it should be another argument that turns into Amelia kissing her because that's a trope for a reason] Jac: [yes, you are both owed it without the audience tbh] Amelia: [like I have no idea where they are when that happens, are you gonna show up on her doorstep to have another argument or what gal lol] Jac: [maybe you had somewhere you went together, idk where or what vibe, so you know she's gonna be there, even if it's just a different club and you're outside angsting] Amelia: [ooh excellent, yeah there's any number of places that could be 'theirs' you've known each other long enough] Jac: [precisely, it can be as everyday and unspecial or the opposite as we'd like, Dublin centre is not that big it's not insane to suggest] Amelia: [when do you think that is, clearly pretty soon after because the emotions have gotta be high] Jac: [yeah, sooner rather than later, like we did this for a reason and like you said, it's too frustrating when someone won't react to you] Amelia: [literally could be the next day/night I'd believe it] Jac: [i literally thought you meant the same night so yes i agree lol] Amelia: [omg that's even better tbh] Jac: like you turn round like AND ANOTHER THING, tensions are beyond that high] Amelia: [exactly] Jac: [at least Amelia is angry enough to break it off 'cos the levels of fucks you don't give rn about anything] Amelia: [yeah she's angry and sad enough to be like ffs what am I doing and actually go home] Jac: [thanks babe, we all know it happens but don't need it to literally look like 2nd choice to your hoe gf 'cos it ain't that] Amelia: [how am I gonna start a convo from here because I clearly am lol] Jac: [thank god you both drunk, I can do it if you want] Amelia: [go ahead if you think you can boo] Jac: you home safe Amelia: no, I'm dead in a ditch Jac: great Amelia: it'll make life easier for you, yeah Jac: my life couldn't be any rosier Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: glad to see your flare for the dramatic ain't died in that ditch with you Jac: flair, which one Jac: idk Amelia: you took that over from me, remember Amelia: you really fucking did Jac: aren't you impressed Amelia: if you'd got there earlier you could've pushed me out of the way to blow the candles out on the cake my mum bought too Jac: you don't wanna be kids no more? Jac: could've said sooner Amelia: she's not a doll, she just wants to look like one Jac: who? Amelia: the girlfriend you wanted to share so badly Jac: oh her Jac: bride of chucky maybe Amelia: you did scare everyone with your apology Amelia: very exorcist-ish Jac: I was going for Carrie Jac: oh well Jac: still a better match than you two ain't it Amelia: oh you were trying to win a prom queen sash with acts of charity Amelia: I get it Jac: shouldn't you be throwing all this shade at her Amelia: wait, I'll add her in Jac: ha Jac: go ahead Amelia: she won't accept, sorry Amelia: I did try Jac: devastating Amelia: are you home safe? Jac: yeah Amelia: you do have the 👿👹👺👻 inside protecting you, I guess Jac: its always got a home inside me Amelia: well yeah, you don't ever kiss anyone long enough for it to transfer hosts Jac: you'll wanna get rid of the girlfriend then Jac: before you get infected Amelia: you already did that for me, such a good 🥳🎂🎁 Jac: couldn't think what else to get ya Amelia: 💐? Amelia: no? Jac: thought she might have beat me to it Jac: made a bit of an effort Amelia: she wanted me, that's all I needed Jac: past tense Jac: and that's definitely not the first time she's done that Amelia: what do you care? Jac: you think this is how i'd show it if I did Amelia: I try not to think about you anymore Jac: there's no need to make yourself sound stupid in the process Amelia: not when you're there to make me look it Jac: you'll get another girlfriend Amelia: because that's what is ripping my heart out about this Jac: that's your problem Amelia: stay the fuck away from me Amelia: if you'd done that I wouldn't have a problem Jac: I plan on it Jac: done what I needed to do Amelia: great Jac: enjoy what's left of your big day then Jac: have some 🎂 Amelia: you've made sure I can't Amelia: where's Savannah Moore with a 👏 emoji when you need her? Jac: Sligo Jac: last I heard Amelia: those poor country lads Jac: you've never cared about any lad a day in your life Jac: you can just admit you miss her Amelia: 😂 Jac: hilarious Amelia: not really Amelia: but I physically can't cry any more, I must be dehydrated Jac: unsurprising Jac: me either Amelia: 🍾🥂 Amelia: have a nice life then Amelia: probably leave tonight out of your achievements during the uni interviews Jac: nah Jac: diversity and adversity is all the rage Amelia: that's why I'll be mentioning it Jac: you're welcome x2 Amelia: 🙌 Jac: you sure she don't wanna join Jac: 'cos she's annoying me Amelia: I don't care what she wants or feel sorry for you Jac: yeah Jac: then tell her that Jac: not relaying your message Amelia: I have Jac: she's a liar too, makes sense Amelia: you're well suited Jac: besides the obvious Amelia: that you've done what you needed to do, yeah Amelia: tell her that Jac: I have Jac: not my fault she's so thick she only understands actions Amelia: if she's been messaging you since the 💋 you'll have had time to tell her everything I didn't Amelia: even if it has to be via charades Jac: the fact I didn't fuck her is all the information she's getting from me Amelia: the dancefloor's a bit public even for her Amelia: but maybe she'll be willing to break the rules for you, that's what people do Jac: let's not pretend it was about her Jac: only room for one delusional person in a relationship, don't you know? Amelia: you're ready for that, are you? Amelia: I don't know anything about relationships as it turns out Jac: first cut is the deepest Amelia: if you're going to sing, it's meant to be Happy Birthday Jac: yeah, you wish Amelia: I only got the one and I've already used it Jac: don't tell or it won't come true Amelia: I don't remember it now anyway Jac: bullshit Amelia: if it was 💇🏻 related it definitely didn't come true Jac: you didn't get a fringe Amelia: I still hate it Jac: it's not why you got cheated on Amelia: thanks, that makes me feel loads better about 👧🏻 Amelia: can you just take the posts down please Jac: I dunno Amelia: Jac Jac: fuck sake Jac: one thing Amelia: just do it Jac: then that's it Jac: there's your present, I don't owe you nothing Amelia: no, then that's it because I don't want anything to do with you Amelia: it doesn't make us even Jac: I don't give a shit about being even with you Jac: I win Jac: end of Amelia: it's not a fucking game Jac: you're the only one not playing Amelia: so leave me out of it Jac: that's another favour Jac: pick one Amelia: fuck you Jac: i'm keeping the pictures up then Amelia: enjoy your win Jac: naturally Amelia: 👏👏👏 Jac: you aren't her Amelia: you aren't you Amelia: it still doesn't make us even Jac: maybe you never knew me Jac: we weren't friends, after-all Amelia: there's no maybe about it, if we were ever friends you wouldn't treat me like this Jac: nothing is as simple as you'd like it to be Jac: but sure Amelia: you really hurt me again, it's that simple Amelia: and this time it was deliberate Jac: and you don't hurt the people you love Jac: grow up, Amelia Amelia: not like that Jac: that's easier for you Amelia: what about ANY of this is easy for me? Amelia: you told me to try, I did Amelia: now what? Jac: it isn't my responsibility to worry about that Jac: you figure it out Amelia: I had it figured out and you tore it down Amelia: take some fucking responsibility for that Jac: what, with your shit girlfriend who doesn't give a fuck about you Jac: that was wrecked before I got there Jac: deal with that Amelia: you wrecked me before she got there Amelia: I still think about you all the time, miss you all the time Amelia: and I do have to deal with that, all the time Jac: and I've got nothing to deal with Amelia: of course you do Amelia: happy people don't gatecrash and ruin other people's birthdays Jac: then you'll forgive me for not feeling sorry for you Amelia: I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to be sorry for what you just did Jac: you want a lot Amelia: not this time Amelia: it's bare minimum Jac: I'm happy to disappoint and leave you wanting Amelia: then you win again Amelia: congratulations Jac: yipee Amelia: Don't contact me again unless you're got something to say that means something Jac: fine Amelia: you sound faker than Savannah could ever Amelia: it'd be impressive if it worked Jac: have I contacted you before now? Amelia: that doesn't matter because today you did Jac: today I ruined your relationship and birthday Jac: then I asked if you got home Amelia: yeah, and that all means something Jac: it means I wanted to fuck up your life Amelia: at least that wish came true Jac: there's always shooting stars and eyelashes when there isn't candles Amelia: there isn't a quick fix for this Jac: there's no fix Jac: there's only out and it's still 2 fucking years away Amelia: you were supposed to give me time, that's supposed to be one Jac: well I didn't feel like it today Amelia: clearly Jac: get over it Amelia: I'm not even through it, it literally just happened Jac: I'm not apologising, I can't be any clearer Amelia: then don't Amelia: I didn't know how to beg you when we were friends, I can't do it with this version of you Jac: Done? Amelia: I was done before I actually got home Jac: Well I've not gone home Jac: so we both lied there then Amelia: Where have you gone? Jac: what's it to you? Amelia: I don't want what happened to Is to happen to you, or worse Amelia: I care about you Jac: it won't Amelia: I'm calling your parents Jac: maybe I've told them you're obsessed with me already Amelia: maybe but it's still ringing Amelia: they can decide what they want to do Jac: you're such a snitch Amelia: because I really care what you think of me right now Jac: nah, just hope it makes you feel good about yourself worrying my parents for nothing Amelia: I don't feel good about myself because of you Amelia: your parents are irrelevant to me Jac: we've got that in common then Amelia: they're probably going to want to talk to you and I don't so goodnight Jac: Bold of you to think I'd answer Jac: but it is a reason to turn my phone off so yeah Jac: later Amelia: you're really 😎 we get it Jac: that's what I'm doing Jac: you're so smart Amelia: it's why you want to keep the pics up Amelia: like a 🏆 Jac: i wanna keep em up so you have to see them Amelia: I don't have to see them, I've already blocked you both Jac: 😂 Amelia: What's funny? Jac: 🤡😥 would've been more applicable, perhaps Amelia: probably Jac: you can pal up with Is again, she's up for it Amelia: yeah because I really want to drag her into whatever 🎪 you've started up between us Jac: you're so considerate Amelia: something really fucked up happened to her, you were there, don't act like you don't remember Jac: and you weren't there Amelia: I know that Jac: then you don't get to say shit to me about it Amelia: I'm not, I'm saying this isn't about Is Jac: when is it ever Jac: poor girl Amelia: stop it Jac: you walked out on her Jac: she didn't have enough daddy issues? Amelia: I walked out on you Jac: same difference Amelia: you said you'd let me Jac: and I did Amelia: until now Jac: you're only 17 once Jac: it's not going to happen again Amelia: it shouldn't have happened at all Jac: should woulda coulda Amelia: promise me that this is it Jac: I don't fancy your girlfriend Jac: kissing her was bad enough Amelia: I mean, promise me that I don't have to look over my shoulder for the next 2 years in case you decide that you want to ruin my life again Amelia: because I can't Jac: Amelia Amelia: I'm serious, I'll leave school before I let you do this to me for a third time Jac: I'm not in a position to be making promises about anything, to anyone Jac: I'll try Amelia: okay Jac: just Jac: I don't know Jac: never mind Amelia: you're scaring me, you know Amelia: I should've made you promise not to do any reckless shit back then instead of the other way round Jac: everyone's scared Jac: they say it like I can change it Amelia: I thought I was doing the right thing but everything just keeps getting worse Amelia: for me, you and Is Amelia: even for Savannah, Sligo for fuck's sake Jac: even if you'd done it different Jac: I'd still have done the same Jac: it still would've all happened Amelia: what are you going to do now? Jac: nothing matters now Amelia: you matter Amelia: to me Amelia: come to my 🏠 I'll call your parents back Jac: we're not doing this again Jac: no Jac: it's bad enough i have people in my life i can't get rid of Amelia: we're not doing anything Jac: stop caring about me Amelia: I can't Jac: how much more do I have to ruin your life Amelia: you have ruined it, that doesn't mean I want you to be dead in a ditch Jac: all I'm going to do is break your heart over and over and then I'm going to leave forever Amelia: tonight it's already broken and that's all I'm talking about Amelia: take the guest bedroom Jac: no Jac: because then my family will just think we're friends again and that I'm fine Jac: I'll go home, okay, just stop Amelia: if you stop lying, I'll stop this Jac: I'll send you proof, for fuck's sake Amelia: okay Jac: fine Amelia: [we're just waiting for that pic like] Jac: [however long this is gonna take, at least you're probably a bit more central, the most begrudging pic of the front door lmao] Amelia: no, put your outfit in it so I know it wasn't stored on your phone Jac: 'cos I just have pictures of my door Jac: [but does, some weird angle to not get your face in] Jac: haven't got a newspaper, so sorry Amelia: if you hadn't stopped the party early, they might have been delivered Jac: it was a crap party anyway Jac: she hadn't even booked a table Amelia: Yeah Jac: at least you can have a better girlfriend for your 18th Amelia: can I? Are you going to let me Jac: probably not Jac: but if she's less easy to ruin then there's nothing I can do about that Amelia: you'd have to try something else, that's all Jac: obviously Jac: I'm still smart Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment Jac: I'm not saying I'm not going to ruin your chances at happiness Amelia: it's not like I need you to Amelia: SO capable on my own Jac: it's not taking credit if you're making excuses for me Jac: but alright Amelia: I'm talking about the 💇🏻 which you can't take credit for Jac: it suits you Amelia: that is the most hurtful thing you've ever said Amelia: take it back Jac: it's also true Jac: and you wanted me to stop lying Amelia: 😒 Jac: at least you don't look like every other girl now Amelia: you think I did before? Amelia: also that's because no other girl wants to look like 👧🏻 Jac: I mean everyone has the same hair Jac: you stand out more Amelia: you don't Jac: well I'm special, obviously Amelia: I know Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😉 Jac: you're an idiot Jac: Jude better be at a sleepover Amelia: her hair stands out Jac: you should tell her that Jac: she'll be so glad her attention-seeking doesn't go unnoticed Amelia: she think I'm flirting with her so no Jac: oh yeah Jac: you're a predatory lesbian now Amelia: I kissed you Jac: after I kissed your girlfriend Amelia: you don't fancy her Amelia: that wasn't why you did it Jac: she fancies herself enough Amelia: So does Savannah, that wasn't a problem for you Jac: don't talk about her Amelia: sure, I wouldn't want to upset you Amelia: what's the point being 💔 if you're not the saddest Jac: she's gone, there's no point talking about her Amelia: my parents know hers, she's not gone from dinner table conversation at my 🏠 Jac: sucks for you then Amelia: sucks more for her that she's been sent to catholic school Jac: Catholic school? Amelia: yeah, her dad had that brainwave Jac: that is unfortunate Jac: probably a better school than ours though, so she'll be thrilled Amelia: it's my dad's favourite joke threat now Jac: at least you could avoid me Amelia: true, I should call his bluff and take him up on it next time Jac: go for it Jac: it's only me that has to write off this shit school on her uni app Amelia: the rest of your app will more than make up for it Jac: that's the plan Amelia: exactly, so it's not technically a compliment Jac: you're shit at this Amelia: thanks Jac: no, that really wasn't a compliment Jac: not one of your not technicallys Amelia: 😏 Jac: did you get a car Jac: I bet you got a car Amelia: [a picture of it because why not say she did] Jac: just got to pass now Jac: then you can go where you like Amelia: then I can runaway Jac: nah Jac: they'd take you off their insurance and you'd be fucked Amelia: because I'd never drive without insurance Jac: the police would be frantically looking for you as is Jac: that's always how murderers get caught out Amelia: 🤫 you're ruining this too Jac: you fantasize on your own time Amelia: this is my own time, you're home safe Amelia: I don't owe you my full attention now that your 👅 isn't in my ex girlfriend's mouth Jac: have you kissed anyone else Amelia: no Jac: do you regret it being her Amelia: it wasn't you, that's what I regret Amelia: but it couldn't be so Jac: yeah Jac: at least it was a girl Amelia: I'm not stupid enough to kiss any boys Jac: some just call it heterosexual Amelia: and I'm not so it'd be stupid for me Jac: alright Amelia: but I should probably kiss more girls Jac: why should you Amelia: because she'll think all the wrong things if I don't Jac: true Jac: I thought you didn't care about what people thought though Amelia: I'm going to have to find new friends from somewhere Jac: don't you gays stick together Amelia: she sticks with them and I don't want to see her Jac: you move fast Amelia: I don't really have a choice, do I? Jac: I don't need friends Amelia: handy since you don't have any Jac: that's why I don't Amelia: yeah, because you only care about what you need Jac: duh Amelia: did you ever care about me? Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: did you ever care about me when it wasn't because you needed something? Jac: what kind of question is that Amelia: one I need the answer to Jac: we were friends forever Jac: what did I get from it half the time Jac: no more than you did or didn't Amelia: okay Jac: that was a dick move making me answer that when you already knew Amelia: I didn't know Amelia: whenever I talk to you I end up with more questions than answers Amelia: and end up questioning my sanity Jac: you don't need to Jac: your work here is done Amelia: you can't tell me what to do when you don't even do what you said you were going to Jac: so you're going to continue to make a bad decision, just to be awkward Jac: that's smart Amelia: because you have such good reasons for doing what you did earlier Jac: 'course I do Amelia: go on then Amelia: tell me them Jac: already did Jac: I wanted to fuck it up for you Jac: felt great Amelia: there's smarter ways to feel good, and easier Jac: I've tried those Amelia: oh well I loved being your little experiment, thanks Jac: whatever Jac: it needed to be done Amelia: no it didn't Amelia: you keep saying that Jac: you don't get it Amelia: I don't buy into your fake bullshit, no, and that's all you've given me all night Jac: what's fucking fake about the fact I can't stand to have anyone around me happy? Jac: there's nothing fake about misery being the only thing I can stomach now Amelia: you didn't break up your parents or ruin your brother's music career, you sought me out when I haven't even been around you Amelia: you're full of shit Jac: trust me, I'm doing my best Jac: and you're full of shit if you're now trying to say you don't see me every day Jac: and that it isn't the fucking worst Amelia: I thought it was, until you did this Amelia: now I can say today was the worst Amelia: you're so fucking selfish and cruel Jac: nothing has changed Jac: I sped up your inevitable break-up, that's it Amelia: no, you went out of your way to hurt and humiliate me Amelia: everything has changed Jac: if you say so Jac: it wasn't the first time for me Amelia: who are you? Jac: it doesn't matter Amelia: who the fuck are you? Jac: I don't know, Amelia Jac: alright Amelia: you can't treat people like this Jac: then tell everyone what I did Jac: I don't care Jac: you could've done something about it Amelia: what did you want me to do? Jac: I thought you might put up more of a fight Amelia: for what? Against what? Jac: because I humiliated you Amelia: it wasn't the first time for me either Jac: never like that Amelia: I'm not going to fight you Jac: your loss Amelia: I keep telling you, I care about you, I don't want to hurt you Jac: I wish you'd stop Amelia: I wish I could Jac: yeah Jac: well Amelia: it's my loss, like you said Jac: don't worry, I've got my own Amelia: that makes me feel loads better Jac: it should Amelia: it doesn't Jac: you're infuriating Amelia: says you Amelia: I'm so angry at you Jac: because I wanted you to be Jac: that's the correct response Amelia: no, because I love you too much to hate you Amelia: because it won't go away Amelia: and I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my fucking life no matter what you do Jac: I don't have the answer Jac: If I could make you stop then I would Jac: but I don't know how Amelia: me either Jac: there's nothing I can do if you don't hate me by now Jac: I dropped you for Savannah Jac: I did everything I did tonight Amelia: I was there, I don't need you to recap Jac: I couldn't have made it easier Amelia: there's something wrong with me, there must be Jac: not as bad as me Amelia: my mum said at the time that I fell in love with you years ago and I can't expect to fall out of it in a few weeks or months Jac: logic adds up Amelia: she thinks I'm over it now so clearly not Jac: you probably said you were Jac: or near enough Amelia: the girlfriend thing kind of said it for me Jac: yeah well Jac: I've had loads of boyfriends Amelia: you're not in love with me Jac: I meant it doesn't mean anything, necessarily Amelia: yeah Amelia: my mum is more old fashioned though Amelia: romantic or whatever Jac: more romantic than your girlfriend, yeah Amelia: 🙄 Jac: she wasn't good enough for you anyway Amelia: I'm not good enough for anyone Amelia: I'm literally still in love with someone else who isn't them Jac: it isn't that simple Jac: you can feel things for more than one person Jac: you just, didn't for her and she wasn't worth it Amelia: maybe other people can but I don't Jac: how would you know Jac: it just hasn't happened yet Amelia: I'm too self aware if anything Jac: that's some lesbian nonsense Amelia: I'll put it in my bio then Jac: tinder Amelia: I'm not kissing that many girls, she'll definitely think all the wrong things Jac: be kicking herself, like Jac: or is it only okay when she does it Amelia: probably Jac: just like a lad Amelia: 😣 Jac: awh Amelia: I can't be bothered Jac: with girls? Amelia: I'm not trying anymore, you didn't keep your promises anyway Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: it means I don't care, my life can stay the mess you wanted it to be Jac: alright Jac: not like I can turn around and say 'no don't' now Amelia: and if you turn around you won't see me Jac: what? Amelia: school, I'm not doing it either Jac: shut up Amelia: online maybe so my dad doesn't rage Jac: that's bullshit Amelia: so is this Jac: no, fuck you Amelia: 😂 Jac: so you all get to fucking leave and I'm the one stuck dealing Jac: nah Amelia: I've got nothing to stay for Jac: it's school, no one does Jac: jesus Amelia: you said yourself it sucks having to see me every day Amelia: I'm doing you a favour Jac: you are ridiculous Jac: you think you can just run away like this is some shit indie song Amelia: I've tried the alternative Amelia: it didn't go great Jac: you think Savannah is bad? at least her parents made her go Jac: you're such a spoilt brat Amelia: I don't think about Savannah Jac: you don't think about anything Jac: christ Amelia: your audacity is another level Jac: your stupidity is worse Amelia: yeah, I've proved that loads of times over Jac: fucking hell Jac: your life is so hard, Meelie, yeah Jac: everyone thinks its my fault, what happened to Is Jac: and the more she says otherwise, the more it sounds like it was Amelia: no they don't, I don't Jac: well you love me so you're clearly insane and a bit biased Amelia: even if I hated you I'd still know that you weren't the one who assaulted her Amelia: it's his fault, nobody else's Jac: me and Sav still ran like we had something to hide Jac: that's all anyone cares about, working out what Amelia: you were scared, in shock probably Amelia: you felt like it was your fault Amelia: that doesn't mean it was Jac: all I know is she's fucked off, no one will say anything to Is, so it's all down to me, whatever people wanna say or think about it Jac: so yeah, sorry I think your idea is fucking laughable but been there, done that Jac: didn't solve anything, it only made the rest worse Amelia: I know it's a stupid idea, alright Jac: you can't go, alright, you just can't Amelia: you know I'll fight the whole school before I'd ever fight you Amelia: I'll do it for you too, if that will help Jac: Yeah, I do Jac: nothing will help but Jac: at least you're still here Jac: nothing else is the same Amelia: I'll be in detention every day for the next 2 years if that's what it takes to shut people up Jac: I don't deserve it Jac: or anything but hate from you, and I do fucking know that Amelia: you don't deserve to get the blame for being there and being her friend Amelia: I should've been too Amelia: and after it happened we should've talked Jac: maybe it's just karma Jac: I've never been a good friend to her and by the time it happened Jac: well Jac: I made you leave Amelia: I ruined our friend so I had to leave Amelia: *ship Amelia: that's not your fault either Jac: maybe it is Amelia: it's not Amelia: I shouldn't have told you how I felt Amelia: or been jealous of Savannah Amelia: or made such a big deal about the date you went on Jac: no Jac: I get it Jac: you weren't wrong Amelia: I did the wrong thing by leaving you and Is Jac: I couldn't wish the alternative on you Jac: having to stick around and watch Amelia: I still had to watch Amelia: I couldn't go that far Jac: I know it's my fault because it happened again Amelia: what? Jac: Savannah Jac: I kissed her Amelia: I don't understand Jac: you should have been jealous of her Jac: I mean Jac: you know what I mean Amelia: you mean you felt something for her Jac: I didn't want to feel any of it Jac: but she was straight and you weren't so having her around was meant to be easier Amelia: why didn't you just tell me? Amelia: you lied and lied and made me feel crazy Jac: because I feel crazy Jac: I fucking am Jac: I just Jac: it's not like I left that conversation and told her Jac: I kept on and got with lads and pretended to like it, tried to Amelia: everything you said, everything you did Amelia: oh my god Amelia: I can't Amelia: I can't take this in Jac: like I said, it's fucking karma Jac: I fucked it with you and it happened to me Amelia: I'm supposed to feel what, that she queerbaited you? Happy? validated? Jac: I don't know Jac: probably Amelia: did you know how you felt about her when I told you how I felt? Jac: why? Amelia: because you told me over and over again that you liked boys and you'd change that if you could Jac: yes, and I told her the same thing Jac: and I acted accordingly Amelia: I've spent so long feeling horrible for putting you in that position and none of it was real Jac: it was real Jac: I don't want to be Jac: I want to be straight Amelia: it isn't a choice Amelia: and you can't just twist everything to make it one Jac: acting or not acting on it is Amelia: so why did you choose to act on it by kissing her, if that's what you think? Jac: it was a mistake Jac: when we left Jac: after Is Jac: and it was just us Jac: then it destroyed everything and she's literally run away Amelia: and then you destroyed what was left after she'd gone Jac: yes Amelia: great Jac: I'm aware Amelia: are you? Amelia: for years I thought things were one way only to be told they weren't and now you're telling me an entirely different story again Amelia: 🤯 Jac: because we don't live in the ideal world where I accept myself for liking girls and I choose the right one and we live happily ever after Jac: we live in the world where I kissed Savannah and she looked at me like I was the boy who assaulted Isabelle Jac: and that's how I feel about it, and I would rather pretend to be straight forever, and have no real friends again, than have to do that, and feel that disgust again Amelia: we live in a world that doesn't revolve around Savannah fucking Moore Amelia: because she doesn't accept you, you can't accept yourself? No Jac: it's not her fault Jac: the rules don't make no fucking sense Jac: do you know how often she told me she loved me, how beautiful I was, and smart and perfect and kind, that she wanted me in her life forever? Jac: but that doesn't mean she wants to kiss me Amelia: that's why it literally is her fault Amelia: she flirted with you more than I EVER have, or would dare to openly do because I would get called a predatory lesbian and she gets likes and follows Jac: but she meant it Jac: I know she did Jac: that's just friendship to her Jac: it's too confusing Amelia: you want her to have meant it the same way you did, like I wanted you to with me Jac: but I did Jac: I lied Jac: so I know it doesn't make a difference now Jac: but still, you weren't wrong and I did, I am, whatever Jac: it was shitty to lie, I know, I accept it Jac: but she meant it all but she is straight...how does that work Amelia: I don't know Amelia: straight people are weird Jac: I don't want to find that relatable Jac: I want to be normal Amelia: I'm not abnormal, shut up Jac: fine, straight Jac: I don't want to ever have to think about this ever again Amelia: why do you want it so bad? Jac: so I don't feel like this Jac: the not knowing Jac: how much it hurts Jac: boys are easy, I told you Amelia: because you don't like them Amelia: if you were straight you'd get hurt just the same Amelia: you said it, Valentina's no different than a lad Jac: lads just like me Jac: I've never kissed any lad and had them recoil Amelia: they liked me too, it doesn't mean I had to like them back Jac: I mean it's not the same Jac: if a lad didn't like me, he'd have reasons Amelia: loads of girls like you too, I was friends with them for a bit, I heard all that gossip Amelia: Savannah's reason is that she doesn't like girls, any of them Jac: but she loves me Jac: more than she ever did Ty, I fucking know it Amelia: not like that, like Is loved us Jac: I can't stand it Amelia: I know Jac: you know I am sorry Jac: don't you Amelia: yeah Jac: you just had come so far and had done so much work Jac: it wasn't fair Jac: what I did wasn't, but it wouldn't have been to act on it, when I wanted so badly to be straight, for everything I did tell you to be true Amelia: no, I was in exactly the same place that we left each other in Amelia: you're not the only one who can lie Jac: I'm just so sorry but that's worth fuck all Jac: I hate how stupid all of it seems now Jac: redundant Jac: but that's close to a fair punishment, I suppose Amelia: you've already been punished Amelia: and sorry always means something when it's a real one Jac: I feel Jac: I don't Jac: I'm broken Jac: I don't even want to be a person now Amelia: I don't want to find that relatable Amelia: but it is Jac: fuck's sake Jac: see, why would I choose this? Jac: even if they're weird, this never happens to straight people Amelia: of course it does Amelia: Savannah's parents are fucked Jac: just because they don't love each other no more Jac: when they got together, I'm sure they both knew Amelia: still, her mum's so broken she's barely a person Jac: all I'm saying is we're getting dangerously close to comparing being gay to a mental illness Jac: which is what homophobes say and I'm not trying to be the confirmation Amelia: it's not being gay, it's loving the wrong person Amelia: there are happy gays, I've met some Amelia: and your brother isn't being held back by it Jac: don't get me started Amelia: Jude's love life is messier than his Amelia: more dramatic Jac: he'll end up with a girl Amelia: you don't know that Jac: wait and see Amelia: yeah, I'll stalk him from afar like a fangirl Amelia: 🤢 Jac: it's not the same either Amelia: you love a competition Jac: yeah, this is so much fun Jac: him and Jude are the same Jac: it doesn't mean anything to them, so they aren't getting hurt Jac: they don't care, it's not serious Amelia: you've got me, we're very much the same Amelia: in this anyway Jac: I don't want to love anyone ever again Amelia: then don't Jac: that's why I have no friends Amelia: yeah well you don't need them, that's the line and the lie, right? Jac: it's not funny Jac: I can't be trusted Jac: with any kind of relationship with a girl Amelia: I'm not laughing because me either Amelia: I make bad choices and I'm proven stupid, remember Jac: it's so fucking isolating Amelia: school is anyway Amelia: we're all in boxes Jac: you never used to hate it this much Amelia: now you understand how much I hate everything Amelia: how exhausted I am Amelia: it'd be nice to have the solidarity if it wasn't so horrible Jac: I'm just trying to get used to it Jac: accept it Amelia: at least you don't have to see her every day Amelia: maybe that'll make it different Jac: I never get to see her again Amelia: you don't know that either Jac: I do Jac: she's unlikely to stop by when she's seeing her mum Amelia: you verbally recoiled from me, ruined my birthday, nobody would call it likely that we're talking Jac: naive optimism is exactly what got you here Jac: don't even need to scroll for the reminder Amelia: ouch Amelia: you always find new ways to hurt me Jac: you really did just say you made bad choices and were stupid Jac: continuing this conversation is just another one for the list, probably Amelia: I can say it and do so you don't need to Jac: alright, alright Amelia: you're blocked though, this is the only place you could try to Jac: I could make another post but the point has been made well enough I reckon Amelia: it's not my birthday now so there's no point Amelia: ⛅ Jac: sod you then Jac: don't want you getting the wrong impression Amelia: 😂 bit late for that Jac: yeah Amelia: my dad'll be up soon I'll just wait ☕ Amelia: don't need you to entertain me any further Jac: you gonna tell him about your shit birthday Amelia: I'll tell them both we broke up and they'll be thrilled Amelia: it's all they want to hear Jac: you can tell them it was my fault, it doesn't matter to me Amelia: why would I do that? Jac: dunno, but having someone else's parents take over and shout at me for a bit might be mildly entertaining Amelia: they think I'm over you, they want me to be better Amelia: I'm not going to ruin the lie Jac: rude Jac: but fine Jac: guess you don't owe me Amelia: no, I don't Jac: enjoy your coffee then Amelia: it'll taste disgusting like it always does Amelia: the biggest lie of all Jac: you aren't as exhausted and sad as you say you are Jac: the taste would've been acquired by now, you massive child Amelia: I've had to hide it longer than you Amelia: I'm just more skilled and hilarious Jac: so you're better at being sad? Jac: and I love a competition 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I've acquired a taste for anything with a high enough alcohol content, there you go Jac: I was drunk before I got there and that was still apparent Amelia: haven't needed stitches yet Jac: that's something Jac: anyway, how'd you figure you've had to hide it longer? Amelia: because I have Amelia: you were sitting pretty on a ☁ with Savannah for ages Amelia: nothing could touch you up there Jac: that's where you're wrong Amelia: I'm not letting you win again Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like I was fucking boys because I thought I wanted to Amelia: okay 🏆 no need to make me cry thinking about that Jac: they aren't that bad Jac: well, usually Jac: just not as interesting, it didn't make sense Jac: why we would waste time we could be together instead Amelia: it's really sad Amelia: as 💔 it was seeing you with lads, I thought it was at least what you wanted Jac: they aren't the ones that made me 💔 Amelia: I know but Amelia: I can't imagine doing that, or how it would make me feel if I thought I had to Jac: well you're much softer than I am Amelia: excuse me, it took you years to break me, Savannah did the same to you in 1 Amelia: you're not that hard Jac: I think that says more about Savannah than it does you Jac: but alright Amelia: right, because she's so perfect Amelia: I actually can't compete Jac: shut up Amelia: it's true Jac: it isn't that simple, I keep saying Amelia: it's as simple as you've already said, she's straight and I'm not Amelia: it was safer for you, except it wasn't Jac: you make it sound Jac: ugh Amelia: isn't it? Jac: you think I'm a right cold, calculating bitch Jac: and I'm not saying you're wrong but it was nice when you thought otherwise Amelia: we can't go back, you really drilled that into me Jac: I know Jac: oh well Amelia: oh well? that's the best you can do, yeah? Amelia: doesn't sound very calculating and well planned out Jac: because it's all over Jac: the only thing I've got left is uni and the career I want Jac: nothing else can or is going to exist Amelia: that's more than I've got Amelia: I haven't exactly been concentrating on my app Jac: well you're going to run away and find your Thelma aren't you Amelia: you ruined that fantasy with reality Jac: yeah right Jac: you're still a hopeless romantic Amelia: with a 🚗 I can't drive yet Jac: have you had any lessons yet Amelia: no Amelia: I keep asking my dad but he's always too busy Jac: go ask him now Amelia: I've drank too much to go now Jac: well duh but he'll feel so bad for you he'll make time tomorrow or whatever Amelia: and we're back to calculating Jac: someone has to if you wanna be wild and free Amelia: 😂 Jac: how early is it Jac: will the library be open Amelia: it's weird that the library is still open at any hour Amelia: you're literally the only person who ever goes there Jac: excuse me, only child Jac: you try and study with a house full of annoying kids and dogs Amelia: I'm fine with a 🏠 swap, I don't feel like studying Jac: yeah only if you make it permanent Amelia: you wouldn't take my guest room for a night, I don't think I'd be able to make that happen Jac: because you were there Amelia: rude Jac: sensible Amelia: nothing's going to happen Jac: yeah exactly Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: it means we aren't going to be friends Amelia: why not? Jac: I told you why Amelia: I'm not asking you to care about me, I'm saying I'm here for you Jac: No Jac: I wasn't joking when I said I can't have friends Amelia: I know you weren't Jac: that includes you Jac: especially you Amelia: okay Jac: okay Amelia: good morning then Jac: 👋